“We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are,” the writer Anais Nin famously remarked.
The very same might be said of Torah, especially this Shabbat as we reflect on the portion Shelach Lecha. The opening of this parsha tells a story that is all about how we see, and how we are seen.
It’s about the images of ourselves that we carry in our mind’s eye… images that may have everything to with reality, or may have no bearing at all.
And because we see Torah as we are, there are any number of ways to see this story, and to see our own identities in it: our potential, our foibles, our longings, our scars. The beauty is that there are value in all these readings… in all these different “takes.” Shelach Lecha is about a crucial mission, and how we perceive ourselves within it.
God has instructed Moses to select scouts to be sent forward to get the lay of the land the Israelites would soon be entering. As we might imagine, there were many questions! Are the people who dwell (there) strong or weak… few or many? Is the country in which they dwell good or bad? … is the soil rich or poor?”
So a group of twelve were dispatched to go forward and find out all this and more. The message they returned with (except, crucially, for Joshua and Caleb who came down on the side of confidence and faith) was dismaying to say the least. Oh, the land’s inhabitants are powerful all right! We will never be able to fight them. In fact, they are SO large and SO powerful that we looked like grasshoppers to ourselves … and so we must have looked to them.”
Was this one of those moments where reality strikes hard and fast and we must grapple with our limitations, acknowledging that some situations really are beyond our expertise? Or was this one particular version of the story, distorted – understandably perhaps – by the fear and trembling of its tellers?
Difficult as it may be to admit, I think we can all see ourselves in the temporary defeat of these scouts. Think about everything they’ve witnessed in their desert travels so far… moments of faith and transcendence to be sure, woven in with moments and experiences of grief and disappointment and confusion as they struggled to become a people, to feel the ineffable presence of God in their lives, and to survive the reactions of that same God to their real or perceived wrongdoing.
Their way of seeing the land of Canaan and its inhabitants, and their own inadequacies may have even been an instance of clutching at the crucial moment.
If they failed, and if they managed to convince the Israelites that they were doomed to failure as a people, then everything could stay the way it was with no going forward.
Oh, but if they succeeded.
Things would change then. They would go from being a nomadic people to a settled one. They would need to put into practice the litany of values and obligations they have been hearing about time and time again in the midbar – the wilderness. Listening is one thing, doing is another. They would be put to the test in new ways, and as much as they sometimes longed to move on from where they were, they also felt safety in what they knew.
Who among us doesn’t see ourselves in such feelings and experiences from time to time? The fact is, we are all scouts: forging forward into our daily lives, excited at some turns, fearful at others as to what we may find. Much as the mission in Shelach Lecha plunged the Israelites into darkness for a time, they turned a corner, and they made it. So will we.
Remember too that we are each other’s guides at such times, on all our missions really … taking turns holding the light and providing understanding, and encouragement. May this be the side of the story that we see with our eyes and hold in our hearts, both… as we walk forward this Shabbat, one step at a time.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Gutterman
