“When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?”
“Fair is foul and foul is fair.”
“Something wicked this way comes.”
Perhaps the most famous (and misquoted) line from the play comes from Lady MacBeth, wracked with guilt for her role in the murder of King Duncan. Imagining drops of blood upon her hands in the wake of his death, she paces around the castle, commanding, “Out, damned spot! Out, I say!” Her guilt, however, knows no mercy, and the damned spots continue to haunt her, ultimately driving her out of her mind.
Wouldn’t it be lovely, when suffering or guilt has marked us, for us to simply tell it to go away? Much as we try to repress pain or right the wrongs of history, the stains continue to blemish our collective psyche, perpetuating vicious cycles and bringing the ghosts of evils past into our lives today. Is there a way for us to tell the damned spots to simply vacate the stage?
In B’haalot’cha, this week’s parsha, the Torah instructs the Levites to purify themselves, to rid themselves of every blemish, in preparation for their priestly duties. The purification process is simple: “sprinkle on them water of purification and let them go over their whole body with a razor, and wash their clothes; thus, they shall be purified.” If it worked for the Levites, could it work for us? Could a Sinéad O’Connor hairstyle and a Brazilian wax do the trick, complete with a nice shower and a fresh set of clothes? Wash, rinse, repeat? If only!
Each of us has undoubtedly been marked by some negative things in our lives. As much as we might like to simple remove them and move on, they often leave visible or invisible scars, damned spots that refuse to disappear upon command. And whether or not we acknowledge their existence, these blemishes can prevent us from living our best lives, from fulfilling our duties, priestly or otherwise.
So how do we move forward?
Perhaps a path can be found in the rest of the portion, the part that calls for lighting candles, for finding satisfaction in one’s portion of manna, for following the movements of the clouds to know when to set up camp… While we may never achieve the head-to-toe purity (and hairlessness!) of the Levites, we can bring our scars with us through life, drawing on whatever wisdom they may eventually bring to us while making room for the divine, practicing gratitude when we are able, and moving through life with the resigned bravery of a people who know that they cannot control everything, but who are still ready to take the journey, the moment the clouds lift…
Shabbat Shalom, fellow travelers –
Rebecca Abbate
