Last week I got a voicemail from Cheshire Dept. of Parks and Recreation inquiring if the children of TBD would like to be part of the Tree Lighting event that will happen the first Sunday in December as they are including symbols relating to Chanukkah and Judaism. My first reaction was “thanks, but we believe in the separation of religion and state” followed by “we have a lovely holiday coming up, we’re lighting candles together with our families”. What I said was “let me get you the Education Coordinator’s email”, sorry Emily. The intention of that invitation was to make us feel welcome to join a celebration but it met up against my discomfort at being casually asked to set aside my civic values in order to be a good neighbor. Obviously this is part of what shaped my decision to live in Israel, the assumption that if I could just “adjust” myself a little more to fit in I would be a better American. The completely unspoken message that I got was “Good Americans celebrate Christmas”, and that is as true now for me as it was when I was a child in New Jersey. I reject that message and hope more and more people do too.
We all are more comfortable being around people who are like us in some way. It’s human nature to seek out those who form the group that you most closely identify with. You walk into a room at a conference and scan for familiar faces. As a child you rode the bus with neighborhood kids, and if you didn’t ride the bus you certainly had something in common with whoever drove you! The impulse to join a community and celebrate together is evidently part of our DNA and this week’s Torah portion is a telling reminder of that.
In Chayei Sarah, despite the name, we hear only that Sarah died, and nothing about her life. The main focus of Genesis 24 is the mission Abraham sends his major domo Eliezer on: to find a wife for his son Isaac from his homeland. We know the story: camels, well, rock, and the amazing Rebecca and we are privy to Eliezer’s inner musings as well. But at the very core of the story is the message “Our ethnic heritage is important and must be preserved”. Abraham makes Eliezer swear that he will bring not only a wife for his son but another link in the chain of Hebraic identity (technically they weren’t Jews per se at that point). I understand this not as xenophobia but rather as an expression of the understanding that standing up for something different is a wearing place to hold in society. Abraham was so radically different from his forebears and was constantly threatened and challenged because of it. He wanted his second born son to have the support of a partner who shared his world view. He thought it would make his son’s life a little easier…
I too, want my children to build lives that embody Jewish values. The feeling is similar to Abraham’s, but as a citizen of ‘the land of the free’ I can expect to have to make a conscious effort for that to happen, rather than to leave the country and import an agent of change.
The first candle of Chanukkah will be lit on Sunday Dec. 18th.
Shabbat Shalom Rabbi Leah Benamy
